- What is your ideal partner like physically?
How tall are they? What do you their eyes look like? What kind of clothes do they wear? Are they slim, curvy or athletic? What age are they? How does it feel when you hug them, or run your fingers through their hair? Are they a physical mixture of people you know or celebrity crushes?
Pinpoint what it is about other couples you see or know that you admire and would like for your own future relationship
Sit quietly, and imagine your ideal partner is sitting right there in front of you; visualize their hair, eyes, face, clothes, body. Then, start a new page for:
Are they kind, successful, empathetic, easy-going, intellectual? How would you describe their personality? How do you feel around them? Are they introverted or extroverted? How is your communication? How do they behave around your friends? What makes them smile? How do they act around animals or children? Are they agnostic, atheist, spiritual or religious? What is their history with relationships? How do they treat their family and parents? How do they compliment your personality? Are they emotionally expressive?
Are there any patterns you need to break in being attracted to unsuitable partners? Start noticing the behaviors and characteristics you admire in those around you, which you’d like to experience in your partner.
How do they spend their evenings and weekends? What do they enjoy learning about? Which industry do they work in? What’s their job title and working environment? How do they feel about their work? Do they volunteer? What are their friends like? What kind of books and articles do they read? Which movies, music and shows do they like? Are they into sports and keeping fit? Do they work on their own personal development? Do they go to talks? What’s their diet like? How often do they like to party? What kind of vacations do they go on?
You may want to date someone you can do your favorite activities with, who can inspire you with their hobbies, or who has their own thing going on when you are busy with yours.
Do they want a committed relationship? What about marriage and kids? How important is sex in a relationship to them? Or monogamy? What kind of house do they want to live in? How tidy is it and how do they want to split domestic responsibilities? Do they prefer living in an urban environment or in nature? In which country or city? How do they feel about pets? What difference do they want to make in the world? How important are your extended families? How much do they care about their career or financial success? What are they working on to keep improving themselves?
Financial issues, a lack of sex, and having different views on domestic responsibilities or how to raise children are common reasons couples get divorced, so thinking about your ideal partner’s aspirations is important.
You can revisit your lists as you date, or meditate on or visualize this person regularly, updating it as you realize what’s most important to you. Make a note of the aspects that are “non-negotiables” and which are “nice-to-haves”.
Think about what has worked for you in previous relationships, and what wasn’t so great
Once you have detailed answers to those questions, and you’ve visualized how your ideal partner looks, acts, makes you feel, and what your everyday life and future together would ideally look like, it’s time to think about how you might stumble upon this kind of individual.